Today, marks my thirty-first year on earth.
As I write this, and as I reflect on all that I have managed to accomplish in those years, I'm sitting in an adult-sized onsie on my couch. My laptop is so old that it freezes up with every few keys that I push, and the battery is so weak that if the power cord becomes unplugged, the computer dies.
I'd like to say that I've accomplished all the goals I had set out to achieve when I was younger. I'd like to say that I'm a fully-functioning, responsible adult, with a respectable and well-paying job, a nice car, and that I enjoy vacations.
I'm not any of that.
I'm thirty-one, once-divorced, soon-to-be married, broke, and a few months ago I threw my five year plan out the window.
I can honestly say that at this point in my life, I have ZERO idea where I'm going and how I'm going to get there.
I've got a million ideas and yet no desire to fully research and entertain them. I've had so many ideas throughout my life, and yet, here I am. In my onsie.
I'm starting to think that adulthood is just a glamorized version of puberty. When I was going through my teen years, I tried everything. I dressed as a skateboard punk; I converted into a goth, wore a trench coat and a studded (dog) collar; I made my own fashions and clothes that made no sense; I turned full girly, wore make-up and tried to look 'pretty'; I became a sad musician and wrote sad songs about break-ups.
...the thing is, my youth is not a whole lot different from my adulthood.
My choices in fashion have reverted back to the same fashion choices I made when I was a young girl - leggings, converse and a baggy shirt. Find any photo of me when I was a kid, and I'll likely be wearing tight leggings (or shorts) and a baggy shirt. They were my chosen threads then, and they are my staples now.
I did experiment with pin-up girl, office professional, single bar girl and even gym-fitness-apparel-outside-the-gym (because I didn't work out...). They were all fun stages of my adult life, but none of them stuck.
Nope. Instead, I dress in old lady knits, rubber boots, leggings (LOVE THE STRETCH!!), and baggy shirts that can cover up the aftermath of a doughnut binge.
Keeping it simple.
Ok, perhaps fashion choices are quite what I was getting at when I mentioned that life as an adult isn't a whole lot different than life as a teen. Maybe I don't know where I was going with that thought...
Either way. Doesn't matter! I was going somewhere with that thought, and then suddenly got nowhere with it. Story of my adulthood!
But honestly, during these last few weeks I have spent a good deal of time reflecting and making time and space to be an adult. I've been making efforts to be more pro-active in my health and doing things I should have done a long time ago.
I had all these plans when I was growing up. All these dreams. I envisioned myself having a successful job, having zero debt, traveling and going on vacation regularly, driving a BMW, appearing AND being successful.
Nope. None of that happened. Reality is funny sometimes, right?
Instead, I work part-time after being unemployed for a couple of months post-move. I haven't been on a vacation in a couple years, and the last vacation I was on, I actually couldn't afford - so it all went on debt. I've had a balance on my credit card for years, and I've never managed to pay it off to zero; though, I never miss a payment and always pay more than the minimum. Divorce left me with debt and things I couldn't afford, which added to my debt. I could never even consider owning a BMW....at least not yet! ;) My last vehicle was a banged up Cavalier that I'd had since college.
I pictured myself graduating college and getting some fancy marketing job in the big city, advancing and getting promotions, working on big projects for big brands that people would see on TV or in a magazine.
That never happened.
I struggled to find a marketing job after college because I had no experience and no portfolio. The world of marketing changes so quickly and we (the students) had no formal training with social media or online marketing, so when we left college with our degrees in our hands, we were out of date. To get a job in marketing in the big city, you needed ample social media marketing experience, SEO knowledge, coding ability, video making skills, Adobe editing skills, and a graphic design portfolio.
Quite a reality shock after four-years of studying, exams and thinking you'd get somewhere better after graduation.
If this taught me anything, it was that if I wanted to be successful in marketing, I'd have to keep training, keep learning and keep investing in myself. This is true in anything in life.
You have to stay relevant. Keep yourself valuable by staying up-to-date. Don't become like my outdated and worn laptop. Don't freeze.
Seek opportunities. Keep educating yourself. Stay on top of trends.
This is where my life is now.
I wear my onsie, on the couch, and sip coffee while I envision ways in which I can make a dime while still wearing a onsie. Some of the ideas I have are nonsense and silly, but some of them are not so bad. Not unlike my fashion choices in my teenage years, my ideas are ever-changing - they come and go.
Eventually, I'll land on a good idea and I'll run with it. Until, then, I'll keep searching. I've been here for thirty-one years so far, and I plan to be idea-making for another good number of years to come.
